A Journey from 19 to 21
by AerynsFallen
Summary: Logan and Rogue finally get together the year she turns 19. Rogue believes everything is perfect until she finds out that Logan has cheated on her with Jean. Will she be able to move past the hurt and find someone new, or will Logan be able to prove that she's all he's ever wanted despite his past mistakes? A tale of betrayal and possible redemption.
1. Set Fire to the Rain

**So I decided to post another series of stories I originally had on the WRFA. Still a work in progress but I am determined to finish them. All of the stories are based off of songs from Adele. Her song lyrics are amazing and I felt like put together they could tell a story. I'm attempting that with Wolverine and Rogue, my original favourites. These chapters are all based off of a song from either her 19 or 21 albums, hence the title. I'm nervous to see if this story will be taken down. I've heard that songfics are not allowed. We'll wait and see. If I have to I can take the lyrics out and post a link to them at the end of each chapter I suppose. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters i'm writing about or any of the lyrics of the songs that I have included.**

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_I let it fall, my heart_  
_And as it fell you rose to claim it_  
_It was dark and I was over_  
_Until you kissed my lips and saved me_

You saved my life more than once and even once was enough for me to fall in love with you. If I was being truly honest with myself I was in love with you the moment I set my eyes on you. I fell in love with the muscles that flexed and stretched under the skin of your back. I fell in love with your growled curses and angry roar. I fell in love with your wild hair and the points that not even a shower could get rid of. I loved your long sideburns, your angry scowl and even the stupid nickname you chose for me, kid. I hadn't been a kid for many months. You grew up fast the way I was living before we met. A few too many times I'd trusted the wrong person had left me wary of everyone. I should have been afraid of you but even then, I knew that we were meant to meet and I was meant to follow you. So I stowed in the back of your trailer and I'm sure it surprised you as much as it did me that you let me stay.

_My hands, they're strong_  
_But my knees were far too weak,_  
_To stand in your arms_  
_Without falling to your feet_

I was lost the moment you smiled at me. Lost in the fantasy that you could possibly want someone like me. A fantasy that everyone let me nurture, let me think wasn't a mere fantasy. I truly believed that you wouldn't need my touch; I believed that you could live without skin to skin contact as long as you had me. I was a foolish girl at nineteen. A foolish headstrong girl that believed hundreds of years of other people's experiences could make me as wise as they were. It made me reckless and cocky and sure of something that was merely a game to you. I was secure in the knowledge that you could never stray. Our love was too strong for that.

_But there's a side to you_  
_That I never knew, never knew_  
_All the things you'd say_  
_They were never true, never true,_  
_And the games you play_  
_You would always win, always win_

The Wolverine had always made it clear to me that I was his and he was mine. I loved the Wolverine as much as I loved Logan, in many ways I loved him more. He was the one that kept me safe, that would risk anything to keep me safe. Wolverine was the side that Logan hated and feared. I was mistaken in the belief that Logan and Wolverine were on the same page about me. While Wolverine knew I was his, Logan had no such certainty. He felt I was too young, felt that I was too inexperienced. He hated that we were together, but he loved me in his own way. He would never purposely hurt me. He knew that fighting the Wolverine on this was futile and in doing so he would just hurt me. Logan was the one I saw during the day; cool, civilized Logan that did his best not to flirt openly with me nearby. At first I didn't mind. Flirting was one thing, I myself flirted with Remy on occasion. It should have worried me that Logan seemed not to mind. Sometimes he almost seemed to encourage it. Wolverine hated it and he was very vocal about it at night. I soothed him and reassured him that he was all I could want. I was not all that Logan could want, not everything that he needed. It was my fault that I didn't realize it sooner. People began to give me sympathetic smiles and began to avoid looking me in the eyes. It wasn't until St. John made a sniggering remark about the noise that came from my room when I was on a mission that I finally began to suspect. So I asked the professor if I could remain behind on a mission and if he could do me the courtesy of not telling Logan. I had a surprise for him. The professor seemed delighted, but the Erik in my head told me he was worried. That night I covered my scent with perfume and I hid in the closet. I was worried about any movement. Logan's hearing was very acute and I believed that my unsteady breathing would give me away. I needn't have worried. They came crashing in the door, tongues shoved down each other's throats, bodies plastered together, clothes flying everywhere in their haste to get undressed. I made a noise somewhere between a sob and a moan and Logan froze. He dropped Jean on the bed. If I hadn't been too heart-broken I might have laughed at how abrupt Jean landed or the sound she made when she landed. As it was I could barely see past the tears streaming down my face as I burst out of the closet and ran for the door.

"Jesus, kid! Wait! MARIE!"

The last word was ripped out of his throat. The last word was roared by Wolverine. I wanted to drop to my knees, I wanted to scream at the pain that was ripping my heart to pieces. And I wanted to turn around and comfort the man I was leaving behind. Wolverine needed me, just as much as I needed him. Logan hated one, and loathed his connection with the other, that much was clear. Logan had ripped us apart. I made it as far as the entrance way in the foyer before Logan caught her. He was shirtless, barefoot and the buttons on the fly of his jeans were undone. His dishevelled hair and the scratches that were already healing on his back left no doubt as to what he'd been doing. I was as ever, covered head to foot in clothing and my tear-stained face made it clear he hadn't been doing it with me.

_But I set fire to the rain,_  
_Watched it pour as I touched your face,_  
_Well it burned while cried_  
_'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!_

"Wait kid!"

I turned at the door, unable to undo the complicated locks in my distress. I ran to the left but Logan caught me quickly, grabbing me by the arms and forcing me to face him. I lashed out at him and scratched his face and kneed him hard in the balls in an attempt to get him to let me go. He shook me roughly and called my name repeatedly in an effort to get me to listen.

"NOOO!" I heard myself scream. "DON"T TOUCH ME!" At that moment I couldn't bear the thought of him touching her with his hands, hands that had just been touching, squeezing, fondling Jean.

He dropped his hands immediately and jumped away as if burnt. I put her hands in front of me and backed away from him. "Don't you dare touch me. Don't you ever touch me again!"

"Marie?" The hurt in his eyes almost broke me.

"No! No, Logan. You don't deserve to call me that."

My heart was threatening to shatter. I could hear Wolverine pleading in my mind, pleading for me to forgive them, to give them another chance. I wanted so badly to believe that Logan could be faithful that he could remain true to me and our relationship but I'd just been proven wrong. And every single person in this mansion had known. Right now I was Marie and Marie was soft and loving and warm, trusting and so in love with Logan that she was blinded to his faults. I'd known he'd been cheating on me. I'd known when I could smell Jean on our bed, in our sheets. I'd known when Jean had laughed at my weak attempts at dressing seductively. I'd known when Jean had told me that I could never satisfy Logan. The unspoken words 'like I can,' were always left hanging in the air. I'd known but shoved the knowledge deep down where it couldn't haunt me.

And the Rogue in me knew that Marie would never be able to let Logan go. So at that moment I became Rogue and hid Marie in the farthest corner of my mind, shielded her from the pain and the heartbreak. And I lived up to my chosen name in that moment. Marie was gone, Rogue was left to fill the void. Rogue could face facts, and the fact was that no matter how much the Wolverine wanted me, Logan could not accept me. Logan did not love me, Logan did not need me, Logan would never want me. So I hardened my heart, forced away any feeling of softness towards Logan and the Wolverine and I made the decision I needed to, a decision that would let me survive Logan's betrayal.

"Just go Logan."

"Marie, please…"

"No! I didn't deserve this! I loved you! I LOVED YOU!" I gestured at the door. "Go Logan. And take your whore with you." With that I turned my back on Logan. As I walked up the steps I passed a smug looking Jean. I couldn't control myself and I slapped Jean with my glove off and took satisfaction in the feelings of pain and horror that I siphoned off her before she fell down the stairs. There were gasps of disbelief but those that mattered to me were smiling triumphantly. Logan called my name one more time.

I turned around and walked back to him. For a moment I touched his face and smiled up at him. "Logan, sugah…get the fuck out of my face. I don't need you, you don't deserve me and I'm better off without you. And ah told you once, I won't tell yah again. Don't you evah use that name again. Mah name's Rogue." I heard Jube's cheer and turned and walked away.

Everyone's eyes were on me as I made my exit. I was glad that no one could see my face or the tears I failed to keep inside. My heart called out for him, my body shook from the hold I held tightly to it. So tightly so I wouldn't turn back around and beg Logan to love me like I loved him.

No one saw the tears that slid down Logan's face, or the fists that he clenched so hard to keep from reaching for her. No one saw his lips mouth her name silently or heard the whimper that escaped weakly from his throat. He turned his back on the urge to run after her and fix the empty look in her eyes. She was right, she was better without him in her life and she'd made it very clear.

He walked out the door and closed the door on his past with a quiet click.

Two days later…

_When I lay with you_  
_I could stay there_  
_Close my eyes_  
_Feel you here forever_  
_You and me together_  
_Nothing is better_

_Sometimes I wake up by the door,_  
_That heart you caught must be waiting for you_  
_Even now when we're already over_  
_I can't help myself from looking for you._

Marie was dreaming. Logan was holding her after the first time they made love. He'd stayed the night and her head was now resting on his chest. He was comfier than her pillow which probably didn't make any sense. His skin would be soft, she knew, even if she couldn't feel it. His chest was covered in hair and his muscles were firm under her head. She loved the sound of his heartbeat and loved the gentle movements of his chest as he breathed in and out. She could stay here forever.

She breathed in deeply expecting to breathe in Logan's scent. Instead she breathed in the scent of pine sol. She groaned and rolled from her stomach onto her back. Rogue opened her eyes and looked around blurrily. Where the hell was she? She groaned again when she tried to stand. She was lying on the cold tiled floor in the foyer, right in front of the door. Marie had been dreaming. Rogue did her best to shield her weaker side from the reality of Logan leaving them but she was most vulnerable at night. Marie dreamed of the past and was prone to sleepwalking. Many mornings Rogue found herself awaking in front of the door. Marie was telling her in her own way that she wanted to go after Logan. Rogue shoved Marie back in annoyance. Logan was gone. Marie would learn to deal.

_I set fire to the rain,_  
_Watched it pour as I touched your face,_  
_Well, it burned while I cried_  
_'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name!_

_I set fire to the rain,_  
_And I threw us into the flames_  
_Where it felt something die_  
_'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time, ohhhh!_

_Oh nooo_  
_Let it burn, oh_  
_Let it burn_  
_Let it burn_

**Please Review! :)**


	2. Don't You Remember?

**And here is the next chapter! I had a couple reviewers that were adamant that Logan did not deserve Marie. I don't like cheaters but this is a plot bunny that would not let me be. I'm a Rogan shipper until I die so this will most likely be a happy ending. I hope you enjoy the chapter! Thank you to all the wonderful people who followed or favourited or reviewed! You make me very happy! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything :(**

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_When will I see you again?_  
_You left with no goodbye_  
_Not a single word was said_  
_No final kiss to seal any sins_  
_I had no idea the state we were in_

Marie was kept mostly in the dark about what went down with Logan. Rogue was only trying to protect her she realized. It still hurt to know that he was gone, possibly forever. The last thing she could remember before Rogue took over was Logan's face when she told him not to call her Marie. He was so hurt, but then, so was she. She was still hurting, still crying at random times when she allowed even a shadow of Logan to cross her mind. Did Logan say goodbye? Rogue told her no…he left with no words spoken in protest on either side. It was for the best, Rogue insisted.

Marie would never even get to give Logan a farewell kiss. She would never see the Wolverine's gold eyes staring at her with so much hunger and affection. She would never know why Logan betrayed her and slept with Jean. The answer should be obvious. Jean could touch him, could provide things for him that she never could. Jean could touch him with bare hands; she could kiss him, their tongues tangled together like they had been that night. Why? Why had Logan done this to them. He'd done this to both her and Wolverine. They belonged together. She was his mate, he was her other half and she knew he hurt as much as she did at their forced separation. But Logan controlled the reins of his and right now Rogue had taken over hers. Rogue only wanted what was best for Marie and what was best meant no contact with Logan or the Wolverine for both their sake So Marie stayed in the background and did her best to forget.

_I know I have a fickle heart_  
_And a bitterness and a wandering eye_  
_And a heaviness in my head_

_But don't you remember?_  
_Don't you remember?_  
_The reason you left me before_  
_Baby, please remember me once more_

Logan considered going back to see Marie. Going back to apologize and try to fix the mess he'd made of everything. Had he been an idiot or what? How had he chosen Jeannie over his Marie? He wanted to tear himself to pieces to punish him for hurting her the way he had. The look on her face: devastation, followed by complete emptiness. At that moment Rogue had taken over and completely shut down everything she was feeling, but he'd known. He'd known what it would do to Marie even before he'd started his little affair with Jeannie. He'd known but he'd ignored the feeling of guilt and self-hatred. It was his way of proving that he didn't deserve her. Not sweet, innocent Marie, who always looked for the good in people. Now she was simply Rogue; Rogue who told him to fuck off in that cold, detached voice of hers. Rogue who laughed at him when he demanded to speak to Marie and hung up on him mid-sentence. He was almost proud of her and the way she handled a bastard like him; almost proud anyway. Most of the time he was angry and lonely and heartbroken. Ha, if only Scooter could see him now: the Mighty Wolverine, broken and crying for his lost love. Even the thought of how low he'd fallen made him sick. He missed Marie more than anything in the world.

He'd analyzed why he was the way he was. Why he'd felt the need to destroy his life just when it was getting good. He knew he was fickle. He'd been eyeing Jeannie the moment he'd set eyes on her but he'd still done his best to make sure Marie knew she had a chance with him. He told her she was enough and for Wolverine she had been. A perfect mate, she would never stray and she looked at him through rose coloured glasses. He'd enjoyed it, the hero worship in her eyes. He'd let her fall in love with him, knowing from the moment he met her that she was his for the taking. Yet he'd still flirted with Jean, kept his options open in case this thing with Marie didn't quite pan out. What a bastard he was. Jeannie knew the score, Marie hadn't.

He'd been bitter, certain that anything he had was bound to be taken away from him at any moment. It had happened before hadn't it? He had fragments of memories about a woman, dark hair, dark eyes and a shy smile. He was sure he'd loved her in another life. Was she still alive? The worst thing was that he was almost certain she was real. He was almost certain, but not 100%. His memories from before 15 years ago were filled with holes and imagined memories. He could never be sure if she really existed. Sometimes, on his bad days, he managed to convince himself that whatever he had with Marie was bound to end. It was his fate. She would leave him when she found out what a real animal he was. She would leave him when she could no longer deal with all his insecurities and his doubts. She would leave him when his lack of a past and his obsession with it became too much for her. It was the only thing he knew in this life. She would leave him eventually and he didn't want to be the one heartbroken and left behind. So he distanced himself from her, pushed her away, even as Wolverine demanded he keep her close. Logan liked Jean Grey, was attracted to her right away. He would never love her, could never love her. Marie had been his one and only and he wished that he could express that without all the doubts and fears clouding everything. She deserved more than him, more than he could offer. That didn't mean that he didn't try to get her back.

The professor had forbidden him from coming back to the school right away. Wolverine wanted to rip him apart for that particular command. Logan understood he was only trying to protect one of his children. So he called Marie every weekend. He asked for Marie and he got Rogue instead. Rogue made it clear she was becoming increasingly annoyed at his repeated phone calls. She told him to leave her alone. Marie was gone and he'd made sure of that himself. She told him that Marie was weak so she'd gotten rid of her. He despaired and begged her to bring Marie back. He'd cried and pleaded and reminded her of all the times before the affair. Times that she couldn't deny were the happiest days of their lives. She'd agreed on one point. They were the happiest times of Marie's life, Logan could go to hell. He hadn't cared anything for Marie and clearly he'd been playing with her. If they made him happy at all it was because he was laughing at her and her naivety.

_When was the last time,_  
_You thought of me_  
_Oh have you completely erased me,_  
_From your memory?_  
_I often think about where I went wrong_  
_The more I do, the less I know_

_But don't you remember?_  
_Don't you remember?_  
_The reason you left me before_  
_Baby, please remember me once more_

Marie often analyzed what she did wrong. Hadn't she pleased Logan enough? She'd been inexperienced but he'd assured her that he loved that. Both Logan and Wolverine could agree on that. She had been untouched before them and that made her theirs completely. Wolverine often assured her that they would be the only ones to touch her. She was theirs. Yet now she wondered about it. Had her inexperience bored him? Had he grown sick of teaching her what to do to please him? Had he grown tired of her? Had she done something wrong? These questions plagued her if she let them. If it wasn't her sexual inexperience it was her age she wondered about. Did he tire of her immaturity? Had she not been 'woman enough' for him? Maybe she'd annoyed him and the thought of spending the rest of his life with her had sickened him. Maybe her skin had finally gotten to him. Maybe he couldn't live without touch and he'd grown tired of touching through silk scarves, never being able to even kiss her on the mouth without something separating them. Marie could drive herself crazy imaging all the reasons behind Logan's infidelity. But the thing that plagued her most was the fact that he hadn't called. Not once. Rogue told her that once he'd left out that door he hadn't made any attempt to contact them. It hurt almost as bad as his betrayal. Had Logan even cared for her at least a little? Did he think of her with any form of fondness or regret? Did her miss her or was she just one more notch on his bedpost. Even worse, maybe he didn't think of her at all. Maybe Marie had been so insignificant that he didn't bother to remember their time together. Maybe he'd moved on completely. She couldn't hide her anguish on days she thought like that. He had forgotten her, plain and simple.

_Gave you the space so you could breathe_  
_I kept my distance so you would be free,_  
_And I hope that you find the missing piece,_  
_To bring you back to me_

Logan stopped calling after three months. Three months of drinking and fighting and the weekly phone call he got his hopes up for every week. And every week Rogue shot him down. Eventually she refused to take any of his calls. So he stopped calling. He hoped that one day she would forgive him and seek him out. So he did his best to move on. The professor promised that he would do everything in his power to bring Marie back to her normal self. He warned it could take months. Logan had hurt her and Rogue was willing to keep Marie hidden forever to protect her from it. So Logan was willing to wait and hoped that one day Marie would find her way back to him.

_Why don't you remember?_  
_Don't you remember?_  
_The reason you left me before_  
_Baby, please remember me once more_  
_When will I see you again?_

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please let me know what you thought in a review :)**


	3. Rollin' in the Deep

**An update! Here you go...have some angst!**

**A huge thank you to everyone that has reviewed or added this story to their favourites or followed it! A special thank you to FW Wandering!**

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_There's a fire starting in my heart  
__Reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out the dark  
__Finally I can see you crystal clear  
__Go ahead and sell me out and I'll lay your ship bare_

She was drowning. Marie felt like she couldn't breathe. The world was a mess of shifting colours and blurred images seen through Rogue's eyes. Everything she heard was purposely filtered by Rogue and anything she didn't think Marie could withstand was garbled and lost in translation as Rogue did her best to shield her 'weaker' half. Marie was getting tired of being protected, tired of everything that Rogue hid from her. She was getting sick of being pushed in the solid little 'Marie box' every time Logan or Jean's name came up.

Two things were made clear to her. Logan had wilfully cheated on her with Jean. He did not love them and they were used as his pathetic excuse to try and make up for a past he could not remember but was still deeply ashamed of. She was what was supposed to save him. He was only doing his best to become something he was not; A man capable of deep emotion, unfaltering loyalty, and capable of loving a girl that had become enamoured of him on their first meeting. She knew what had been expected. It had given her joy when she heard everyone talking. They all assumed that one day Rogue and Logan would become a couple. They all assumed that Logan loved her as much as she clearly loved him, no matter how much she said it was only a crush. Logan had only been doing what was expected and trying to fit in with a group of do-gooders and misfits that as different as they were, viewed him with suspicion and fear. Marie knew that she had deluded herself. She was angry at Logan, she seethed at his deception. On her worst days Marie wanted to rip out his balls and shove them down his throat. But she understood that Logan could not change the man he was just for her, a simple girl from Mississippi. He had tried but he was what he was. Even the Wolverine in him could not change him.

So even if Marie had begun to come to terms with the man Logan had tried to be versus the man he could not change, she made herself a promise. She would never believe his lies again. He would never have the power he once held over her. She would hold on to all her anger until it became hatred so she would never be fooled by him, or any other man, in the future. She would use everything she knew about his past against him if he ever showed his face to her again and she would tear him down piece by piece if he ever tried to touch her, however platonically. She knew who he was, he could no longer hide and she was no longer blind to his obvious faults.

_See how I'll leave, with every piece of you  
__Don't underestimate the things that I will do  
__There's a fire starting in my heart  
__Reaching a fever pitch and it's bring me out the dark_

The first time Logan came face to face with her it was Rogue he dealt with. He was merely stopping by to get his stuff, at least that's what he convinced himself was the reason he'd come back. It had been four months since the incident with Marie. The Wolverine in his head was driving him crazy with all the images he planted in Logan's head. Images of Marie and him reconciled and happy. So he let himself be convinced that no matter what his gut told him, she would want to see him. So he wandered the grounds a little, hoping to meet her on his turf in the trees where he felt safest. After that he went into the back door to try to avoid notice. Chuck knew the moment he walked in the door, probably knew he was coming before he was even ten km from this place. Chuck called a greeting directly into his mind and Logan growled in reflex. He hated telepathy and all it entailed but for once he was almost nostalgic about Chucks greeting. It almost made him feel home…and normal, whatever that was. Until Chuck made it clear that if he was back to stay he would need to keep his distance from Rogue. She was still in a delicate state and she would not take kindly to news of his return. Logan grunted that he understood but he was only coming to get the stuff he'd left behind. He wasn't staying.

He went to his room and froze when he heard her voice. He had almost forgotten that at one point it had been _their _room. And she had kept it. He swallowed a couple times and forced The Wolverine behind walls that Logan had reinforced mercilessly after he'd left this place. No way was he letting Wolverine handle a potential confrontation between the two. Hell who was he kidding? There was no potential about it. If he saw Rogue he would be lucky not to be forced into an all-out brawl. He couldn't stop the pride he felt at the thought that even he would be hard pressed to win a fight against Rogue when she was bent on murder. Her skin wasn't the only thing that made her lethal. She had been his best student.

Any positive feelings he had were lost the moment he stepped in that room. It was changed, changed so much that he didn't recognize it anymore. All the furniture he had made for them with his own hands and claws were replaced by metal: the bedframe, the desk, the dresser. All the warm shades of green and bared wood that had kept him grounded had been replaced by neutral shades of black and white and all the metal made him flashback to hospital beds and doctors and people that tore him open and encased his bones in adamantium. Just the sight of the room made him feel nauseous and fearful. He had the sudden feeling that he was trapped. He felt himself stiffen and Wolverine began to growl. All thoughts of reconciliation were gone. She had known what this room would do to him. She had planned for his return.

Rogue was talking on the phone and didn't see him right away when she stepped out of the bathroom. Logan barely managed to stop himself from tackling her and demanding why she had done this. As it was he started growling and backing up towards the door. He hated this room and he felt the beginnings of his berserker rage overcoming his control. She had done this to _THEIR_ room. She had ruined it and every good memory he had of this place. Even Wolverine was feeling betrayed.

She turned sharply at his growl and raised an eyebrow at the anger written in the scowl on his face. Calmly she told the person on the line that she would have to let them go. She had something that she needed to deal with. She would call them back in 15 minutes. Logan fumed and resisted the urge to release his claws. He was worth only 15 minutes of her time?

She hung up and watched him warily, her eyes full of caution and contempt.

"What do yah want, Logan? Ah'm busy."

Logan flinched at her casual dismissal of his appearance. He hadn't expected her to welcome him back with open arms but he hadn't expected this cold of a welcome either, no matter what she'd told him on the phone. Automatically he had his back up and even if he was shorter than her he was still damn intimidating. He didn't let himself regret the fact that he felt the need to intimidate her.

"I came to get my stuff." He said shortly. Too angry to speak the apology he had meant to start with.

Rogue laughed bitterly and she smirked. "Sugah, you ain't got anything left. Tell me why you're here."

And just as quickly, he was in her face snarling. "What have you done to Marie? I want to talk to her!"

Rogue was far from perturbed by his proximity. Her smirk merely widened and she flipped her hair over her shoulder as she shrugged. "Sorry Sugah, Marie can't come to the door right now. She's busy and she told me to tell you to fuck off."

"You're lying Rogue now let me see Marie or I'll…" He released his claws with a loud *snikt* and growled.

Rogue laughed without mirth and shook her head in disbelief. "You'll what, Logan? You may not like me very much, but I am Marie whether you choose to believe that or not. Maybe Ah'm not the weak little girl that you knew but the side that's strong enough to kick your ass if you so much as try anything."

He stepped back and sliced through the bed. He felt little comfort as the metal railing fell to the floor with a clang. He wanted to kill someone. Rogue would be convenient but she was right. She was Marie and he could never hurt Marie, at least physically. Once upon a time he'd believed that he wouldn't be able to hurt her any other way either. He'd been a fool then.

Rogue's smile faded and she studied him with an air of curiosity. He folded his arms over his chest and waited, willing to wait as long as it took for her to relinquish Marie. Marie would listen to him. She could never hate him. That was the only thing Logan was absolutely certain of. She'd seen the best and worst of him and she'd loved him in spite of it. She couldn't hate him.

"You really don't know what you've done do you?" Rogue finally asked. He merely glowered at her until she sighed. "I almost pity you, but to pity you would mean that I actually cared anything about you. But contrary to what you believe, I could care less about you. I don't hate you or love you. You'll find that Marie is a different story. So you can see her if you want. Just…don't expect too much."

He knew the instant Marie was in control. Rogue's sharp green eyes were replaced by Marie's brown ones. He was used to seeing them full of warmth. It hurt when he realized that the last time he'd seen them they had been full of agony and confusion. Logan had caused that, the supposedly more civilized side of himself. It was the Wolverine that had never hurt her and never could.

Logan grunted and actually stepped back from the force of her punch. He hadn't seen it coming in the least and he watched Marie bewildered as she hissed at the pain in her knuckles. She had fractured or broken at least one knuckle with that punch. His entire skull was encased in adamantium.

"You fucking bastard! How dare you show your face! I hate you!" She punched him in the gut with her other hand and shoved him back against the broken bedframe. The piece he'd sliced off earlier had left the end of a rail sharp and exposed. His leg was pierced by it and he swore. He hated pain, no matter how fast he healed. His eyes widened at the maniacal gleam he saw in Marie's eyes when the rail impaled him. She laughed and shoved him again. He jumped away from her and the bed and raised his hands up in defeat. What had happened to his Marie?

"Aww…did I hurt you Logan?" She advanced towards him and snarled. "Well I'm not sorry, you fucking bastard. And if you don't get out of my face I'll do more than that." She took off her glove and moved closer to him.

"Marie, wait! I'm sorry!" He finally said what he'd come here to say. He hoped it made her listen to him. "Jean was nothing, she meant nothing. I was just using her. I'm sorry."

Marie stopped at that, disbelief clear on her face. "You're sorry Logan? You're sorry for what? Being you? Nothing you say can change what you are."

Logan froze at the certainty in her voice. She knew him better than anyone. She knew what he was. If she was condemning him she was not lying. Not Marie. If he'd screwed things up so bad that she hated him he deserved whatever pain she could cause him.

"What am I Marie? What am I?" his stomach twisted in fear at what she would tell him. He didn't deserve redemption.

"You're a liar Logan, and a cheater. You're incapable of love. You're a monster that toys with people by giving them what they want and then tearing it away from them. You don't care about anyone but yourself and you never will. Even before you lost your memories you were an animal who killed for fun and took pleasure in people's pain. That wasn't The Wolverine that was you, Logan, the man. I hate you and I want you to leave before you taint anything else. If there is anything in you that is remotely human, you would leave and never show your face again. You disgust me."

Logan was out the door and running before the last words left her mouth. Marie hated him. He was worthless and everything he'd feared about himself was true. He disgusted Marie. Marie hated him. He didn't realize he was crying until he was jumping on his bike and leaving. Marie hated him.

_The scars of your love remind me of us  
__They keep me thinking that we almost had it all  
__The scars of your love, they leave me breathless  
__I can't help feeling_

_We could have had it all  
__Rolling in the deep  
__You had my heart inside your hand  
__And you played it to the beat_

_Baby, I have no story to be told  
__But I've heard one of you and I'm gonna make your head burn  
__Think of me in the depths of your despair  
__Making a home down there as mine sure won't be shared_

Marie was angry and relieved and heartbroken all over again. He'd tried to play her once more. He'd said sorry and clearly expected her to forgive him for everything he'd done. Everything that they were had been a lie. She could have laughed at the cliché of it all. She was a woman betrayed. And for even one second she'd been willing to let him back into her life. For one second she'd wanted to forgive him for everything for some story he'd told her. Some excuse, belittling what she'd imagined they'd had. If only he had been the man she'd hoped for, the man she had once been certain he was capable of becoming. She could have made him happy if he had been different, or she had. But it was over and she would make sure the professor knew that if he allowed Logan back she would leave. He didn't belong there in her home. Home meant safety and he was the worst kind of danger she knew. She would do her best to make him pay for giving her a glimpse of what could have been.

_Throw your soul through every open door  
__Count your blessings to find what you look for  
__Turn my sorrow into treasured gold  
__You pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow_

Logan did what he did best. He ran and fought and drank. And he kept in touch with the professor, no matter how much it hurt. He tortured himself by asking about Marie. The professor gave him updates but always advised that Logan refrain from asking about her. It was only detrimental to his well-being. Logan asked anyway, knowing somehow that Marie would be aware of him asking. Some part of him that remained selfish wanted to hear that she was grieving still. That she was barely coping without him. Some part of him needed to hear that she hurt as much as he did. The reports were always positive. She was doing well. She went out with her friends, she dated, she smiled and laughed more. She was happy and he was not.

Chuck told him she was seriously dating her teammate Remy LeBeau. They were never apart long. The professor believed she might love him. Logan tried to kill himself a few times after hearing that. Marie was happy without him. She loved someone else. He wanted to die. And only he was to blame. He hadn't realized how truly happy he had been with her. Not just content, but happy. And he'd ruined it all. Marie had moved on.

Rogue felt a glimmer of satisfaction when she heard from the professor that Logan had been asking about her. She knew he would. And what better revenge could she get by torturing him with her happiness. It was forced most days, but she had become adept at concealing her true feelings, even from the professor. He was glad that she was happy but she knew that he worried over Logan. Rogue forced herself not to care. He had broken her heart. Yes, her heart, not just Marie's. Rogue was quick to point out that Marie was weaker but in truth Rogue was just as bad, maybe worse. She had pined for him, even as Marie punched him and laughed at his pain. Rogue had panicked at the smell of his blood and ached to soothe him. Even as Marie told him she hated him. Rogue loved Logan, just as much as Marie loved him. But the aftermath of their tirade had nearly broken them. Marie was still in hiding, refusing to face what she had done. Rogue coped the only way she knew how. She went with Marie's original plan of revenge. Logan had hurt them once. It was time to make him hurt just as much.

_Could have had it all  
__Rolling in the deep  
__You had my heart and soul in your hand  
__But you played it, you played it, you played it to the beat_

**So? What do you think? It would make me very happy to know!**


	4. Crazy For You

**Another Chapter! So I was never very happy with how this chapter turned out. Not when I originally wrote it and not now. But it moves the story along and leads to another confrontation between Logan and Marie! So I hope you enjoy!**

**Thank you for all the lovely reviews and faves and follows. It's truly awesome to see that people are enjoying my stories.**

**As always, I have no Beta so all mistakes are my own...and I own nothing...sadness. All lyrics belong to the amazing artist Adele. Seriously, if you haven't checked her out then do!**

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_Found myself today singin out loud your name  
__You said I'm crazy, if I am I'm crazy for you  
__Sometimes sittin in the dark wishin you were here  
__Turns me crazy  
__But it's you who makes me lose my head_

Marie had hidden in the box Rogue had made for her after that final confrontation with Logan. She couldn't face what she'd done. To call him what she did, she must have been crazy. She had hurt him far worse than he had hurt her, if the Wolverine's howling in her head had been any indication. Slowly the box became a haven. In her own mind it had resembled their room the way it looked before she had so changed it. In her mind their room still smelled like him. Pine and cigar smoke and leather. She lived her days, secluded from the rest of the world. She locked up the Logan in her mind as he was no longer a source of comfort. Her mind was a world of her own making so it resembled the mansion, each room containing the personalities of everyone she'd touched for an extended amount of time. Anytime she neared the room that she had stored Logan, he would swear and curse her and roar so loudly that the halls around her shook. He hated her. She had trapped him in that room, but worst of all, she had separated Logan from Wolverine. She kept Wolverine with her in their room. He had never hurt her on purpose and she needed him. In her mind one didn't have to come with the other. In her own mind Wolverine was all hers.

Rogue liked to remind Marie that she was going crazy. At first she had wanted to protect Marie from all the world had done to her. Now Rogue was scared that Marie would never come out. Rogue was Marie, just a side of Marie that was better able to hide her emotions. She knew Marie needed people. Even the Wolverine in their mind was telling Marie to leave. Marie was too far gone in a world where she and Wolverine were still together. The real world offered a boyfriend she didn't love, friends that were afraid to touch her, mentors that looked at her with a mix of wariness and pity, even if they cared about her. Logan and Wolverine were the only ones that had never been afraid of her, not even once. They had been the only ones that had made her feel completely accepted, even if it was merely an illusion on Logan's part.

_And every time I'm meant to be acting sensible_  
_You drift into my head and turn me into a crumbling fool_  
_Tell me to run and I'll race if you want me to stop I'll freeze_  
_And if you and me gonna leave just hold me closer baby_  
_And make me crazy for you, crazy for you_

_Lately with this state I'm in I can't help myself but spin_  
_I wish you'd come over, send me spinning closer to you_  
_I keep on tryin fightin these feelings away_  
_But the more I do the crazier I turn into_

Marie was convinced to come out of her shell once and awhile by Rogue. Life outside her mind was always painful and awkward, filled with moments of confusion and insecurity but she knew that that was life. And no matter how much she had begun to loathe some of the people around her, with their false smiles and hesitant pats on the arm, she had promised Rogue she would try. Rogue had threatened her with the one thing that was strong enough to actually scare her. If she didn't come out the Professor would come in and he would change everything. He had the power to take her world away, to erase everything that had come to mean home to her. She was only half convinced that he would actually invade her mind but it was better to be safe than sorry. Even Marie knew that secluding herself was unhealthy.

It was hard. When she and Logan had been together she had a few friends but those relationships had been tentative and new. Now after so many months to herself she and Rogue had truly become separate personalities, where as they had always viewed most situations differently but were always of one mind on most things. Logan had destroyed that. Her friends were now completely strange to Marie. And she was a complete stranger to them. Rogue had defined herself early on. She would not be the shy wallflower they once were. She was loud and friendly, her southern accent thick. She was fast and strong and passionate and out-going. She always spoke her mind and as long as it didn't hurt anyone else, did what she pleased.

Marie had remained the same. Soft-spoken and shy, eager-to-please, always trying to blend into the background rather than stand out. When she made an appearance it was clear. There was always the clear indication when her eyes changed from green to brown, but it was more than that. Immediately her whole demeanour changed. She slouched and hid her face behind her hair. Her eyes were always on the ground, and whatever spark Rogue had was gone. It made her friends uneasy. Conversations tended to stop when she made an appearance. Everyone stared.

They tried to be understanding, they really did. They smiled and talked to her like she was a child. They said warm encouraging words that only frustrated her. They did everything they could to make her feel included, even if it became glaringly obvious that she wasn't that she couldn't be. Not when they talked about moments Rogue had experienced with them that were like a dream to her. Half remembered thoughts and feelings that she didn't connect to Marie. There were times that they had reminded her of moments they had shared with Rogue and they had laughed and joked and tried to tease her but she would only look at them with confusion or a feigned smile. She wasn't Rogue and soon they didn't know what to do with her. They soon formed the habit of forgetting that she was there. And the moment Rogue came back they would smile with relief. To them Marie was the little sister they were forced to let tag along. Even at 21 years old, they all seemed so childish to her. Marie saw no purpose in shopping for clothes when her clothes would never change. How many long sleeve shirts and pairs of jeans did she really need? Playing games like Foosball or even on the PS3 the guys all coveted held no allure for her. Maybe they once had but months alone with Wolverine had influenced her. She liked peace and quiet. She liked the stillness of the morning and the quiet hush of the woods at 5 in the morning. She liked to curl up on the window seat in her room with a good book. She hated crowds and noise and it had begun to grate on her, all the well-meant attention and encouragement. She just wanted to be left alone.

Remy LeBeau was the worst of it. He clearly cared for Rogue and he tried the hardest to make Marie feel included. He complimented her and made it clear to her that he wanted to know Marie as well as Rogue. She should have been grateful that he tried so hard and that he didn't look at her like she was a freak. Instead it only annoyed her and enraged Wolverine. She was Wolverine's and she would never be Remy's, but how did you tell that to a man that you were dating? And he was a man. Six years older than her, he was completely confident with his own charm and allure. He was convinced that he would wear her down eventually. At 27 he was getting tired of the excuses Rogue used to keep their relationship from reaching that next step. Marie was the main reason. This was her body as well as Rogue's, and she was not comfortable with him. He was wary of her skin, which angered Marie, but he was determined to get her in his bed. So he laid the charm on thick with Marie and it was beginning to get to her. He cared about her, no matter how chauvinist he seemed. She had asked the Professor to tell her the truth about his feelings for her and he had told her that Remy was wary of Marie, but he most assuredly loved Rogue. It worried Marie. He loved Rogue but did Rogue love him? And could Marie ever get past the fact that Remy was not Logan?

Occasionally Marie talked to Wolverine to pass the time or to calm him down when he didn't like what Remy was doing. Rogue had kept touching skin to skin at a minimum. There were no new personalities to integrate and Marie was often keeping them company so Rogue didn't worry about them. To the rest of the world she had controlled them. There were only Erik and Wolverine/Logan to worry about. David had faded with time. Erik had surprisingly become a calming influence on Marie. The part in her head seemed to generally care about her well-being. It was the combined influence of Erik Lensherr and Wolverine that made Marie often feel so old. She had memories of the Second World War, and combined with Logan's nightmares worked to make everyday woes trivial in comparison.

When she would occasionally fall into conversation with either of them the response of those around her was inevitable. Many people watched her as she appeared to talk to herself. Often she would laugh or get angry and address both by name. Only Remy could stand to be near her during these times. Anyone else would shake their head and walk away. The general consensus among people her age was that Marie was the crazy other half of Rogue.

And through all the turmoil and confusion, Marie grew desperate to see Logan. She went to the room she had locked him in daily and she would just sit outside and talk to him. He would yell and scream and rant for as long as she was there but she continued to talk to him through it all. Sometimes she wondered if he could hear her. Sometimes she hoped he could. She told him of her confusion and her fear. She told him that somewhere in her she still loved him. She told him that she understood that separating the halves of himself was wrong and that one day she hoped to reunite them. Logan was the dominant personality as Marie should be and to keep Wolverine from him was torture. She told him that everyone thought she was crazy and that some days she believed them. She told him that since he was gone she felt like an outcast in her own home. She told him how Rogue coped with his absence in their lives and how she tried to, even if she was failing. She told him she was afraid to live again without him there, how hard it was to have enthusiasm for anything. She felt like a shadow of Marie without him and it scared her and angered her. She felt that in the small time that they had been together he had come to define some part of her and that she wished that she could be whole again, with or without him.

Slowly day by day, the growled threats in the room grew quieter and fewer in between. Eventually the room became quiet when Marie came by. He no longer asked to be let out; he no longer spoke to her. Marie wasn't sure what to think about that. Rogue warned her away from that room. Marie understood Rogue's apprehension. She avoided Wolverine and Erik and moved on with Remy but she had loved Logan too, probably more than Marie. It was strange how both sides of Marie and Logan complemented each other. But whereas Marie had kept Wolverine with her, Rogue had been torn from Logan. They were both cynical and both played a part that was expected of them. But Rogue had let herself fall for him. His betrayal had hurt her. Marie wasn't quite sure how much of whom Rogue presented to the world was merely illusion. Even she wasn't sure how deep Rogue's feelings were for Remy. Rogue was very good at blocking Marie.

So Marie waited until Rogue was sleeping soundly when she next approached the door. Rogue was dreaming of a wedding with Remy. Marie was a little disturbed by the dream. Rogue was nowhere near excited. She was feeling trapped as she walked up the aisle towards her groom. Marie heard Rogue repeating one phrase over and over. _Wrong one wrong one wrong one wrong one_. Marie shook it off and promised herself to speak to Rogue about it later. Logan was quiet as usual. She forced herself to reach for the handle of the door. She spoke to him softly and promised to let him out. Wolverine stayed by her side, just as eager for the door to open. She pulled the door open and braced herself in case he attacked. Logan rumbled but did not approach the door. The room was dark. Marie's eyes strained in an effort to make out what was in the room. She had thrown Logan in here and locked the door. She had made no effort to give him an environment. Anything in here was his own creation. Or her own subconscious creation of what she felt he would create. That sounded crazy even to Marie.

"Come in Marie." Marie sighed in relief and smiled at the sound of his voice. Her indecision was gone the moment he said her name. Maybe she was crazy for loving him when he had hurt her. But better crazy than a life without him. She was his.

_My, oh my, how my blood boils a sweet taste for you_  
_Strips me down bare and gets me into my favourite mood_  
_Pacin floors and opening doors_  
_Hoping you'll walk through and save me boy_  
_Because I'm too crazy for you, crazy for you_

**So there you go. Setting the stage for what exactly? You shall see...Let me know what you thought in a review please!**


	5. Someone Like You

**I'm sorry about the long wait guys. This chapter was horrible to write. I have started and redone it so many times. When I first started this story I had a clear idea of what I wanted for this chapter. In fact, this song was the inspiration for this story. I even wrote some notes to give myself some hints on what I wanted when it came time to write it. I didn't end up with anything close to what I wanted. So the next chapter is going to take longer as I try to figure out where the hell I'm going from here. Because the direction is completely different and I'm basically back to the drawing board on how to get to the ending I've already pretty much written. Beware: Logan is very OOC and so is Rogue. We'll see what you think. Personally I think the chapter's a little sloppy. Also there were a couple people asking where Scott was. Another thing I really didn't address in this chapter. In the next one maybe? Sorry...if anyone is interested I could send you part of an earlier draft where Scott played a significant role. Of course you'll see that for obvious reasons it didn't fit with this version. I may include parts of that back story in a chapter coming up.**

**As always, I have no beta and all mistakes are my own. Forgive me for this chapter. I couldn't stand to give it more than a cursory glance so it may be worse than usual.**

**Thank you all for the wonderful reviews and alerts! I really wouldn't be writing without all of the support. :D**

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_I heard that you're settled down  
__That you found a girl and you're married now  
__I heard that your dreams came true  
__Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you_

Marie was going to go and find him. She was going to find Logan and tell him that she forgave him and she was ready for them to be together again. Was she so naïve? Had she so deluded herself into thinking that there was a them to go back to? She made it as far as Calgary, Alberta on her way to his cabin when she phoned Jubilee. She had been ecstatic, nervous, panicked. Jubilee had listened to her plan with increasing alarm. Finally she had interrupted with a loud shout. Marie had been ready for anger, concern, confusion, anything but the soft tone of voice that was nothing like the Jubes she knew.

"Chica, I thought Remy told you."

Marie had been lost in thoughts of Logan, of her, of them together that she hadn't immediately heard what Jubilee said.

"Are you driving?"

Marie had laughed, so foolish in her exuberance and joy. "Course Ah am Jubes. Haven't you been listenin? Ah'm going to go see Logan. Ah'm going to go see Logan!" she repeated with a laugh. She felt so much lighter and happier then she'd felt in months.

"Rogue, you need to pull over."

"Jubes what are you talkin about? Pull over? Ah'm going to be there in a few hours. A few hours is too long!" Marie felt the first stirring of confusion. Why did Jubilee sound so sad? Why was she so sad?

"Rogue, Logan isn't going to be there when you get there."

Marie felt full blown panic at the thought that he wasn't waiting for her. Where else would he be? What had happened to him? She lost focus for a moment and the car strayed into the next lane. There was honking and swerving cars before she managed to right the vehicle. Her mind was clouded and only Jubes panicked shouting of her name brought her back.

"Where is Logan?"

"Pull over and I'll tell you. You really shouldn't be driving right now."

"Tell me Jubes! Tell me or I'll phone and ask him myself!" Please don't let him be dead. Please, please, please.

There was a moment of silence, a breath being drawn in. It was never a good thing when Jubilee had to force something out. "He married Jean last week. They live in New York."

Her world began to collapse in around her in a blur of screeching tires and the faint voice of Jubilee screaming her name. She could hear the hysterical laughter of someone and wondered what was so funny. She realized a second before her car drove into the path of high beams that it was her. The light shattered in a moment of pure clarity. Logan did not love her. Her own laughter carried her into the black.

_Old friend, why are you so shy?  
__Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light_

She woke up to the steady beeping of machines and the quiet hum of chatter. She refused to open her eyes. She was in the hospital that much was certain. She breathed in deep, wishing that everything she remembered was just a dream. But it wasn't. Not when she was faced with the obvious consequences of her mental crack. In a hospital, with who knew what injuries and the injuries of anyone else involved in the crash on her conscious. She should have listened to Jubes. She should have pulled over. Marie attempted to move her body, any part of her body. She groaned in pain as her arms reluctantly agreed to her command. She hurt, everywhere. Her head felt like someone was hammering against her skull. Please let the other people be okay. If anything good came out of this, please let it be that.

"Chere?"

And she was once again reminded of consequences. She wanted to pretend to be asleep but that was clearly not an option. Stupid Marie.

"You okay?"

"Yep, I'm perfectly fine Remy. I'm only lying in a hospital bed because I want to be here."

She opened her eyes in time to see the hurt and wince her words had inflicted. Stupid Marie, poor Remy. Did he know where she was headed? Had Jubes told him? She figured not. Jubes would keep her secrets and she doubted even the sainted Remy could put up with his girlfriend getting injured in a car accident while on the way to beg her ex to take her back.

"Ah'm sorry, Remy. Ah'm not really feelin like mahself right now. Getting into a car accident can do that to you."

"It's okay, Chere. Remy know you don' mean it." The syrupy concern and talking about himself in the third person was going to get on her nerves pretty fast. "The professor pulled some strings and had you moved to the mansion. Luckily no one was hurt but you. You've been in asleep for two days while your body healed." He blinked away tears. "Remy just glad you're okay."

And cue the guilt. The adoring gaze was enough to make her cry. After all, she hadn't told him she was leaving. She'd just left him with a scrawled note that told him not to worry. He had every right to demand why she was in Canada. But the reason didn't seem to matter.

"Love you, Rogue. And Marie too." He grabbed her gloved hand. "You know that right? That I know you aren't really the same person sometimes but I love you both." He was looking so earnestly in her eyes and pleading with her. She wanted to cry. Why couldn't she love him as much as he loved her?

"Ah love you too, Remy." Just not enough. Just not with her whole heart, not even with a quarter of it. Tears welled up in her eyes and she clutched his hand as a life line. He smiled at her, clearly thinking the tears were of joy. "I jus-"

"Sorry, am I interrupting something?" The gruff voice had her gasping. She let go of Remy's hand and turned to the man standing awkwardly at the door. He was glaring at Remy and avoiding all eye contact with her but her stupid heart sang at the sight of him, and then plummeted when she realized that he was married. Married to Jean.

He looked different, clean shaven, well groomed and not a stitch of leather or denim to be seen. He didn't look like her Logan anymore, he looked like Jean's, some warped version of Scott in his pressed pants and dark blazer. A simple sign that she should give up and try her best to love the man in front of her. But she needed some closure and some time alone with Logan.

Remy was already getting up and the fury on his face was clear that he was going to try and throw Logan out. Try and probably get his ass handed to him.

"Remy, can you give us a second alone?" The incredulous look he shot her was replaced immediately by hurt and disbelief. "Please Remy? I need some closure." Her hand reached for him and pulled him down to her. He came reluctantly and for the first moment of the kiss she gave him he remained stubbornly unmoving. Then he was kissing her so desperately their teeth mashed together. Putting every ounce of love he felt for her in the kiss, every plea for her to choose him. And for the briefest moment she could hear his thoughts as he refused to pull away, even as he weakened. Her tears coated both their skin when he pulled away. "Marie loves you Sugar." She hoped it would be enough to fill the empty ache in her chest. Enough to chase away the cold she could feel creeping into her heart at the thought of finally letting Logan and Wolverine go. The roar of disbelief in her mind had her closing her eyes and trying her best to gain some composure.

The door clicked behind Remy and she was left alone with Logan. The only sounds were his deep breathing and her own ragged gasps as she tried to hold her heart together. She'd done this to herself. If she'd only forgiven him earlier. "Give me a moment, Logan. Ah just need a moment."

_I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited  
__But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it  
__I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded  
__That for me, it isn't over_

Logan was desperate for the sight of her. After he'd stopped calling for her he hadn't stopped thinking about her. He'd waited a year before phoning one last time. She was happy, she'd moved on with Gumbo or whatever the fuck his name is. She no longer spoke about him and it seemed as if she forgot about him. So he took the coward's way out, choosing not to confront her or beg for her forgiveness. Not after the last time he'd spoken to her. He was afraid of more of the same, rejection and pain.

Jean found him a few months ago in his cabin, doing his best to drink himself into oblivion. He hated the sight of her, a reminder of what he'd lost and how much it wasn't worth it. She'd cried but she'd stayed and looked after him even when he'd screamed at her that he hated her. He'd come so close to tearing into her more than once. He'd bruised her by shoving her away and shaking her and even nicked her with his claws a few times. She'd taken the verbal and physical abuse and still she'd stayed. She got him sober, got him back to a place where it didn't hurt as much to look in the mirror and see the emptiness staring back. And she'd eased the constant ache he'd felt at the absence of Marie. He was a bastard still, because when she'd offered her body to him, he'd taken her offer without hesitation. He was so eager to forget the fuck-up he was and she had thrown him a rope and stopped him from drowning. He didn't love her, didn't think he could love anyone but Marie but he tried. She hurt too. She told him that once Scott had thrown her out of his life, it was right then that she realized the consequences of what they'd done. She'd almost gone crazy, a dark voice in her mind telling her to destroy them all. Her powers had been unstable for a while and she'd fought off both the voice that urged her to vengeance and the instability that made her unable to be near anyone. She'd spent months in hiding, trying to come to terms with who she was. She'd almost let the dark voice control her more than once. Finally, when she felt she was stable enough she'd gone to see Scott. To beg for his forgiveness and mercy. She wanted his blessing to return to the mansion, even if he would never take her back. She wanted his friendship and she was willing to wait years if she needed. Scott had listened carefully to everything she'd said and then promptly told her to go to hell.

Jean had been crushed, but not surprised. She wandered for a few more months looking for ways to redeem herself. That's when she'd gotten wind of Logan's particular mental signature. She'd found him. And at the sight of him, so broken emotionally she'd resolved to make him better. She'd found her purpose. She didn't love him but she said once that maybe they were each other's punishment, each other's redemption. All they ever deserved, all they could allow themselves. He'd agreed with her. And proposed to her in the next breath. She'd agreed with tears in her eyes. Of course Logan had understood. There would be no joy, the tears in her eyes were for the life they could have had, the life they probably had in some other dimension. She was saying goodbye to hope. He'd cried with her, and clung to her, wishing for one last moment that it was Marie that he held. Wolverine keened in his mind and the ache turned into a tear, the tear into a hole that wouldn't be filled. Wolverine had been silent ever since. And he'd resolved to move on with Jean. To protect her and honor her and care for her as best as he could. It was all he had left.

And he was reminded that as he watched Marie kiss her lover and ask him to give them a moment. As she told him she loved him. That could have been his right. Hell if he'd only rejected Jean's advances they both would be happy right now and Marie wouldn't be lying in that bed, hurt from who knew what. Jean's itch would have disappeared and she would have been with Scott, happy. And it would be him, Marie was kissing so passionately. He had hoped that seeing her again would get some reaction from his feral half, but all remained silent. He still had his heightened senses, faster reflexes and a taste for rare meat but it wasn't the same. He cleared his throat, unsure what to do, what to say. He wanted to demand what happened to her. He wanted to hold her and let her take some of his healing if she let him. But when the professor had told him he could see Marie, he'd made it clear that he was to ask no questions. He was lucky enough to be in the area when Marie had been brought home injured. Of course luck really didn't have much to do with it. He'd come here, feeling like something was wrong.

Marie remained with her head down, her hair shielding her face from his view. But he could still smell the tears. And he knew they were because of him. She needed closure. So did he. But he wanted to pull her close, make one last attempt to make amends. He'd take anything she was willing to give, love, friendship, or even a letter once a month just to tell him she was okay.

"Marie."

Her face lifted to him and he almost broke down at the anguish on her face. He stood, already moving towards the bed to pull her in his arms when she lifted her hand up and shook her head sharply.

"Ah think this would be better for both of us if we had no contact. Better for the Wolverine as well. Ah don't know about you but he's sure wreaking havoc in mah mind right now."

Of course he would still talk to her. Of course she still had that piece of him. "And me?"

She shook her head again. "Gone." A lie but Logan didn't need to know that. "Ah got rid of him."

Logan flinched but squared his shoulders. "Fair enough. Well…as for Wolverine, at least the bastard's talking to someone. He's been silent lately. Not a word."

"Why?" she looked appalled. Another reminder of what was lost, of what a failure he was. He'd lost a part of himself.

He shrugged, wanting to move past the reminder of how much less of a man he was. "How ya been, Marie?" He winced wishing he hadn't opened his big mouth. She was in a hospital bed.

"Ah'm fine. It's Rogue now, Logan. No one calls me Marie anymore, except…" _except Remy_ was left unsaid but it hung in the air and he felt like he was going to choke on it. He'd lost even that right.

"Rogue, then." He turned away from her so she wouldn't see the devastation that was clear on his face. _Shattered_. That was how he felt.

"Ah've been good. Ah heard you and Jean got married?" He could have handled anger, grief, even no emotion. He could hear the hope in her voice and he wanted to yell. She was hoping he'd moved on as well. Of course she was. Marie was never intentionally cruel. Not the one he knew. But then, he didn't know this woman anymore, did he? She was Rogue.

"Yeah me and Jeannie got married up in Canada. Small ceremony, just the two of us and a couple of witnesses." He hadn't touched Jean since that day, couldn't bear it. Her divorce from Scott had been finalized the week before. She cried herself to sleep every night.

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you  
__I wish nothing but the best for you, too  
__Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said  
__Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead  
__Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead_

_You know how the time flies  
__Only yesterday was the time of our lives  
__We were born in a summer haze  
__Bound by the surprise of our glory days_

_I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited  
__But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it  
__I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded  
__That for me, it isn't over yet_

"That's…good." He could hear the crack in her voice and knew what would follow. She was in his arms in the next moment sobbing against his shirt. And he couldn't help the need to hold her close. She clung to him and her tears wet his shirt. It was heaven and hell. He shouldn't be here, so close to temptation. He tried to tell himself he was married, that he couldn't be the man he'd been with Marie. He wouldn't. But then he was tilting her face to his and kissing her and she was kissing him back. She tasted like hunger and need and desperation. It was only precious few seconds when she was pulling back and slapping stumbled back, weak from her skin but with no regrets. He sure had deserved the slap. She looked as bad as he felt. She glared at him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. Please Marie-"

"That's all Ah ever hear from you. _Ah'm sorry_. I think you need to learn a new phrase." She laughed bitterly and it was a sound he'd never heard. The sweet girl was gone, a cold woman left in her place.

"It won't happen again."

"Of course it won't, Logan. You're _married, _or does that even matter? What exactly do you want? What exactly did you think would happen, Logan? That I would just jump into your arms, knowing that the woman you cheated on me with is now your _wife?"_

"No! That's not what I wanted. I didn't mean…it was a mistake. I just want…" He sighed in frustration. What did he want? Where was the rehearsed speech he'd prepared in his mind? He looked at her, really looked at her. She looked older, exhausted, worn down. He wanted to make sure she was okay. He wanted her to be happy and he could remember a time when her smiles came easily, when her eyes were bright and warm.

"I want you to remember. I want you to look at me and remember when we were happy. I want to be your friend again. I want you in my life. And I'm a bastard for asking but I need to know that you're out there somewhere and you're safe. I don't care if it's a phone call or a single sentence in a letter. I still love you and that won't ever go away."

Marie looked shell-shocked. He couldn't blame her. He wouldn't blame her if she screamed at him, if she threw him out of her room. Everything had come out all wrong. He hadn't meant to demand but he needed to know. He should be focused on her well-being, letting her rest. Instead he still felt the need to pull that last bastard act and make her acknowledge that he still loved her, and he always would. He'd already told her Wolverine was gone from him. She was getting pure Logan. And Logan was a desperate man.

"Logan, Ah can't. Ah can't have you in mah life and hold mahself together. Ah can't face seeing you and Jean and pretend that you didn't break mah heart. You didn't just break it, you destroyed it. Ah want so bad to love Remy even half as much as Ah did you. Ah prayed for a day that Ah'd wake up and forget what it feels like to love you. And Ah have mah chance. It isn't perfect but it's mine and it won't ever go away. Ah thought Ah would love you forever, but now all Ah feel is hurt when Ah think of you. Ah can't remember the happy times because they were a lie." She sat down on the bed and turned her face away from him. "You've said what you wanted. Ah can't give you it. Can you please go now?"

He opened the door and shoved past Remy. He couldn't think, didn't know where he was going. He just needed to be away from here. _Shattered._

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you  
__I wish nothing but the best for you, too  
__Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said  
__Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead, yeah_

_Nothing compares, no worries or cares  
__Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made  
__Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?_

Marie was tired. She'd forgotten all about her injuries and they were catching up to her. Her head was pounding, her body stiff and so sore she wanted to cry. She healed faster than the average person but the emotional drama of the day was taking its toll on her body. She doubted she could hold on to her control with how she was feeling. She couldn't concentrate. Logan told her he still loved her. Even three days ago she would have been over the moon. Now all she felt was a terrible exhaustion. And regret. Always regret.

When she'd asked him to confirm his marriage to Jean she had been so hopeful, so stupid still. She would've taken him back if he'd just told her that he wasn't married. That he'd come out of concern for her well-being and that he was ready to marry her, not Jean. For one reckless moment she was ready to throw whatever she had with Remy to the side. Of course life didn't work out like that. Instead he'd confirmed his marriage and then he'd kissed her. And the kiss was so good, so much better than the chaste kisses she shared with Remy that she'd gotten angry. What the hell kind of right did he think he have waltzing back into her life. It was clear he wasn't concerned about her health. And to hear his explanation, to hear how selfish he still was broke her heart all over again. It killed any hope she had of reconciliation. And still she felt regret.

She'd pushed him away and he was finally gone from her life for good. She should feel relieved. She no longer had to worry about him; she no longer had to care. He had Jean. But his words had stirred a longing in her. _I want you to remember_. And for one second she had remembered. The simple joy at seeing his face after every return from his search for answers. The taste of his lips, his scent, the feel of his fingers as they touched her, stroked her so reverently. Waking up to the sight of warm hazel eyes and a playful smirk. Logan.

Remy knocked, hesitant and wary of her reaction. He'd heard all of it, she was sure. _Ah want so bad to love Remy even half as much as Ah did you._ He'd heard her say that. She could see it in his pained smile but he would never hold it against her. He would hold her and pretend he didn't know the real reason she was crying. He would take whatever form of love she could give him. He deserved so much more. She needed to give more, for him. Marie smiled back at him and held out her hand, determined to focus on her future and leave her past behind her.

_Never mind I'll find someone like you  
__I wish nothing but the best for you  
__Don't forget me, I begged, I remember you said  
__Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead_

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you  
__I wish nothing but the best for you, too  
__Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead  
__Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead_

**:( So? Is it as bad as I fear it is? I'm just piling on the drama now, aren't I? Of course this was never really meant to be a fluffy, ride off into the sunset, happily ever after. At least not without a whole lot of drama and angst first. Let me know what you think. I'll take any constructive criticism with a smile. :)- S****ee?**

**Oh, and for anyone reading my other ongoing Rogan story, an update will be posted by Saturday at the latest. And it's a loooooong chapter. Longer than this one anyway. (Over 5000 words at last count)**


	6. Cold Shoulder

**Ugh…let me apologize in advance. The first verse really doesn't fit with the beginning of this chapter. Hopefully you can overlook that. This chapter is entirely from Jean's point of view and since it's my story she's a manipulative bitch. Oops, did I say that? Lol. But then half way through I felt bad for her and made her a little more likable, or at least, easier to forgive. Once again, no Scott. WTF, you may think. But right now I don't have it in me to add more drama. This chapter is bad enough. Now, I've added a little of the phoenix in this. You know, X3 where Jean is no longer Jean? Yup…that's in here. Scott may seem like an ass and I will get out a Scott-centric chapter sometime to explain his side of things. Anything doesn't make sense, just ask. But I would just roll with it. I tend to get off-topic once I start writing. And then it usually turns into a huge mess that I try to salvage...aka editing...**

**Thank you for all the reviews and to anyone reading this story! I appreciate it!**

**Just a response to the two guest reviewers, so other readers can feel free to skip to the story!**

**Scottfan: Loved the criticism! Weird of me, but I can agree with you that Marie is a bit of a wimp. Hence the fact that I was a little disappointed by the last chapter myself (which I think I mentioned?) As for Logan, this chapter is hopefully one where the readers can kind of forgive him? Maybe the situation is unrealistic but you're right about the probable ending. In my mind, Logan and Marie belong together...so I'm prejudiced. As for Remy, yes I was majorly influenced by the first cartoon since that is the first time I saw him and it has had a lasting impression, despite the fact that I've read a lot of the comics, but I don't really like him anyway. Also I'm sure he talks like that in a later cartoon and some games... Beware of the drama and hypocrisy ahead. You, in particular might not like this story, for which I regret. Anyway, forgive me my sad, simpering Marie and hopefully we can move past that.**

**Guest: I loved the O.O, O.o, o.O, made me laugh! Anyway I hope this chapter gives you a reason to forgive Logan a little...**

* * *

_You say it's all been in my head  
__And the things I think just don't make sense  
__So where you been then? Don't go all coy  
__Don't turn it round on me like it's my fault  
__See I can see that look in your eyes  
__The one that shoots me each and every time_

Jean prided herself on her ability to read people. Not just her ability to read minds, but her ability to read body language and read between the lines. At first when she met Logan, she was intrigued by the enigma of his mind. So much pain and hurt. She wanted to heal him. Of course she was attracted to him. He was rough and crass and he made her hot just by smirking. And for that reason Scott hated him. He knew that she was attracted to Logan because he could read her better than anyone, excluding The Professor. Years of domestic bliss gave you that. Of course Scott never actually believed that she would act on her attraction and, at first, neither did she. Life with Scott was warm and comfortable. Their routine was familiar and unchanging. And the wild abandon of their earlier sex life had become simply pleasant. Scott still adored her and that was why she waited so long to approach Logan. She didn't want to hurt him. But then something changed in their relationship. Sex was now non-existent. When she kissed him and tried to move it in that direction he always shut her down. Where once, his mind was completely open to her, now it was shut. He was hiding something and she was afraid to know what. He grew distant and she wondered if he'd known about her fantasies of Logan.

It was unethical what she did next. She needed to know what was wrong. She should have just asked him. But they had never hidden anything from each other before and every time she opened her mouth to ask him she stopped. It was awkward. They had never really fought before and she found she was afraid to start now. She wanted to cling to the illusion of perfection that they both seemed to radiate. So she entered his dreams. They had shared dreams before, of vacations they could never take because of their responsibilities. They dreamt of their wedding. It had been so beautiful that they liked to relive it. They shared hopes for the future, their minds conjuring up what their children might look like. It was silly but Scott enjoyed it as much as she did. There was some resistance when she tried to enter his dream. He didn't want her to see it, and that was a first in the years they had been together. So she manipulated him. She let herself into his dream without his knowledge. And what she saw there made her sick.

Scott, naked, straddled by Emma Frost. The whore had her head thrown back as she rode him and the pleasure on his face was an expression she'd seen often, but not recently. Adoration, desire, ecstasy. She felt shattered as she returned to her own mind. How could he? She tried to remind herself that her own thoughts and dreams of Logan were hardly innocent. But then she felt exempt from censure because she would never look at Logan like Scott looked at Emma. Not just desire but affection. Like he cared about her. And she was an enemy, a manipulative bitch that had made it known that she desired Jean's husband. And he wanted her back. She felt betrayed and she wanted to rip Emma's face off and choke her with her bare hands. She should have talked to Scott about his dreams. If she'd thought about it she would have realised that Scott was not a man who would cheat, no matter who he desired. All marriages had issues and theirs was no exceptions. But she was feeling hurt and spiteful. As the hurt and betrayal built it was like something in her snapped. She propositioned Logan the next day. And from the expression on his face, she felt that he was judging her. She couldn't bear to see the disgust in his eyes. So she told him about Scott's dreams. She told him that their sex life was non-existent. He'd been comforting and supportive, offering to kick Scott's ass for her. But ultimately he'd rejected her.

It was funny how much anger and jealousy boosted her mutation. She'd come to him in his dreams starting that night. Where before his mind had always been hard to enter, it became almost easy. She could feel the power at her fingertips. She'd never felt so consumed by one emotion before, not love or joy or desire. She was hate incarnate and she manipulated Logan with ease. She seduced him every night and time and time again he turned her away. He became edgy during his waking hours. He began to ignore his little Rogue and flirted heavily with other woman. Jean grinned at the doubt she'd slowly began to implant in his mind. She haunted him with dreams of hurting Rogue, of leaving her far behind him and laughing as she cried. He hated himself, and it left him vulnerable. Just where Jean wanted him. She was his shoulder to cry on and she listened to his doubts with feigned sympathy. She had a degree in psychology and she told him that maybe his dreams were trying to communicate something that he hid deep. He told her of his dreams of her, told her that his resolve was beginning to weaken. Of course she'd acted surprised, embarrassed and demurely admitted her own fantasies of him. He would hate her if he knew that she was manipulating him but he would never know, never even suspect. He believed his thoughts and his doubts about his relationship with Rogue were his own. She was the one to suggest that they have an affair. Even as he intended to deny her, she entered his mind and nudged. That was the first time he fucked her, roughly against the wall, tears streaming down his face. He'd gotten sick after, dry heaves racking his body. She'd soothed him and was actually surprised by the tears clouding her own vision. But she wasn't going to abandon her plan now. She would hurt Scott as much as he had hurt her.

If you were to ask her what her ultimate goal was in seducing Logan she couldn't tell you. When she tried to think about it, her thoughts became cloudy and all she felt was rage. The power she was using was addictive and she knew that she would never stop. Finding time alone with Logan had become easy. She was now able to manipulate most of the mutants in the mansion with ease. And they were none the wiser for it. She even managed to manipulate Rogue, whose mind was notoriously hard to interact with, much less manipulate. Even the professor had issues on occasion. The silly girl was oblivious to Logan's actions and adored him as always. It should have worried her, how reckless and angry she had become. But every time she began to feel even a moment of regret it was like all other emotions shut down and she became lost in the reminders of power and hate. She was losing herself and the only two people who could possibly get through to her didn't notice. Scott was easily manipulated and the professor was distracted by fighting another proposed bill for mutant registration. He was spending the majority of his time in Washington with Hank and he'd left Scott and Jean in charge.

Of course the truth was bound to come out. She was getting reckless and cared less and less about hiding her misdeeds. The professor began to suspect something, despite her act of innocence. He stayed for two weeks and she was unable to manipulate people as she did when he was gone. But the need to use her power did not abate. The day of the discovery of their affair she had let her mind wander to what she would do to Logan that day, what she would direct him to do for her. Having a lover as animalistic as Logan had its advantages. The feral side of him was surprisingly repulsed by their actions, showing a devotion to its mate that she found hard to combat. But after the first few objections the Wolverine was subdued and Logan was ready to play. She must have been projecting pretty loudly, or her shields were down. They were sitting at the teacher's table eating breakfast. The professor was talking to Storm one minute and then in the next he had dropped his fork and looked at her with such abject shock that the rest of the table had turned to her with their eyebrows raised.

She'd simply smiled sweetly and shut her mind to him. "Was their anything the matter Professor?"

It had taken him a moment to respond, but he did, with a tight smile. "Not at all Jean." _I need to see you in my office sometime today._ She'd merely nodded at his silent demand.

But of course the professor was a busy man. And with the discovery of a possible mutant experimental lab he was distracted once again. Rogue was on the team assigned to go, as well as Scott. It was a small team, as the Professor felt stealth, rather than brute force was required. Maybe he was still too disturbed by what he'd read in her mind earlier. An operation like this would have clearly benefited with her expertise but she wasn't on the team assigned to go. Which suited her just fine. More time to play with Logan. But of course Rogue had to stay behind and hide in the closet. And Logan was snapped out of his lust-induced haze in an instant. The confrontation between the two actually had an effect on her. As she watched the heartbreak on the young girl's face she'd felt a crack in the control over her emotions. She still smirked when Rogue walked past her. The look of hatred in her eyes made her slightly uncomfortable. A small sliver of guilt made her shiver. She hadn't expected the slap and she'd went down easily. When she managed to get her bearings again she had been surrounded by the disapproving and disgusted gazes of her teammates. She'd followed Logan out the door without a backwards glance. The full consequences of her actions didn't hit her yet. Not as she watched the dust kicked up by Logan's retreating bike and heard the hum of the X-jet as it returned early from the mission. She shouldn't be here when Scott returned. But the rage suddenly returned. She had to see his face when he realized what she'd done. Revenge and hatred were her motivation. So she went back and waited for him. He'd walked into the foyer looking tired. Many of the residents of the mansion were still there, shock keeping them immobile. He stopped and looked around at all of the people.

"I cheated on you Scott, with Logan. " And the expression on his face wasn't nearly as satisfying as she had imagined. Confusion, disbelief, grief, rage flickering so fast. He wasn't as surprised as he could have been. She had been getting sloppy with hiding the truth. He'd suspected just as Rogue had.

The rage he felt had him shaking as he yelled at her to leave. His thoughts were filled with betrayal but he didn't think once of reconciliation or trying to work it out. But he was hurting and tears were filling his eyes.

And all thoughts of power and hate were gone for one moment, allowing her to see more clearly than she had in weeks. She ran out the door, confused and shaken. The consequences were now obvious, the reward a bitter taste in her mouth. This would destroy Scott and Rogue. It would destroy Logan, losing his mate. And one day the power she craved so desperately would destroy her entire sense of self. She needed to get help. But it wouldn't be from anyone in the mansion behind her. She'd burned her bridges there with her actions and she was ashamed. Too ashamed to ask for forgiveness and help. So she went into the garage and jumped in a random vehicle and left the life of an X-man behind her.

When she'd found Logan again she was surprised by the amount of feeling she felt for him. Remorse was the biggest as she stared at his broken expression. She'd done this to him. When she'd gone to the mansion and begged for another chance to prove herself to Scott she'd seen Rogue with Remy. Rogue had seemed happy with him and he'd obviously loved her. So Logan had lost his chance at redemption. And it was her fault. So she made it her mission to help him. He'd rejected her and was on the verge of physically assaulting her more than once but she held her ground, determined. And he'd slowly begun to let her in. She thought that maybe she could love him if she gave herself the chance and she thought maybe she'd projected too strongly because he seemed to reciprocate. It seemed that manipulation wasn't behind her yet but she thought that maybe she could redeem herself by loving him and caring for him. And she was willing to wait for when the confused warmth in his eyes wasn't simply a shadow of her own feelings. Still she told him that she couldn't love him and forced him to believe. It was a punishment of sorts for both of them. She cried and felt the loss of the lives they could have had clearly in that moment. She offered herself to him in time and was elated that he agreed. It was sad compared to their earlier trysts but she figured she deserved it. She was shocked by his eventual proposal but she accepted immediately. He felt it was a fitting punishment to share their misery. But she felt atonement was in her grasp and she would spend the rest of her days trying to make him happy. Their wedding was awkward and silent. They didn't kiss when the priest prompted them to, merely hugged. She clung to him for the briefest moment. They'd gone to sleep that night separated by the entire bed. Logan hadn't touched her since. It was as if he'd regretted the marriage from the beginning.

She'd known almost the instant Rogue was hurt. Logan had been chopping wood for their fireplace. It always amused her when he insisted on chopping up a tree when it was easier to just drive to the gas station and pick up firewood. She'd forbidden him to claw them apart, considering the action too close to this feral side, which had seemingly disappeared. She hoped that the Wolverine side of him wouldn't reappear. It made it easier for both of them. She'd been watching him when he'd suddenly jerked on a downswing and cut into his leg. He'd started to swear and dropped the ax to try and staunch the flow of blood. By the time she reached him the wound was already closing. But he was shaken. A quick skim of his mind and she had realized that he was thinking of Rogue. His thoughts were panicked and his protective instincts were in overdrive. She'd sent a quick mental inquiry to Storm, who was only recently on speaking terms with her. Rogue had been in a car accident. They didn't know the details as Jubes only knew because she was on the phone with Rogue when it happened. They had sent the X-jet to pick her up. Jean had been stunned. Logan had felt it, even if he wasn't aware why he was suddenly worried about Rogue. And his mind was screaming for him to go to the mansion and see her. Too bad for Jean that the mansion was just a short drive from New York, where they were living.

She'd debated on whether to tell him. But as she watched him prowling their backyard restlessly she knew that it wasn't her place to make his decisions for him. So she told him that the Professor had just informed her that Rogue was hurt. He was out the door before she'd finished her sentence. She spent the night crying into her pillow.

When Logan returned he was exhausted both mentally and physically. A quick scan of his mind let her know that he'd stopped in a patch of forest on the way home and taken out his rage and despair on some trees. The bed of his truck was overflowing with firewood. He'd been apologetic and had done his best to smile at her. She didn't move to kiss him. She knew that he would reject her, with the memory of kissing Rogue still sharp in his mind. Still she'd let him know with a smile that he was forgiven but the look in his eyes haunted her. He was distracted for the rest of the night and she didn't need to scan his thoughts to know who he was thinking of. When he did manage to look at her, it wasn't her face he saw. And sometimes his face was filled with accusation, before he managed to hide the expression. She knew that on some level, he still blamed her for what happened, just as much as he blamed himself.

_You grace me with your cold shoulder_  
_Whenever you look at me I wish I was her_  
_You shower me with words made of knives_  
_Whenever you look at me I wish I was her_

_These days when I see you_  
_You make it look like I'm see-through_  
_Do tell me why you waste our time_  
_When your heart ain't in it, and you're not satisfied_  
_You know I know just how you feel_  
_I'm starting to find myself feeling that way too_

The next few weeks were hard. They were supposed to be in their honeymoon phase. She'd known it wouldn't be anywhere close to what she'd felt with Scott. Logan didn't really love her whereas Scott had been devoted to her. And they hadn't been able to keep their hands off each other. She felt like she was walking on eggshells every time he was in the room. The whole house was under the cloud of his bitter resolve. He made the attempt to be a good husband. He did his best to give his attention to her. But when he looked at her she realized that it was an attempt he failed at. He smiled at her but his eyes were empty, lost in thoughts of someone else. She doubted that as much as Scott had loved her, even he wouldn't cling to her memory this hard. And she found herself wishing she was Rogue. Because even the thought of her warmed his gaze. Sometimes he almost called her Marie, before he managed to stop himself. She knew Marie was Rogue's real name, as he often projected the word with a longing that she hated. He called her Darlin' a few times and the disgust he felt at himself was so strong she had to leave the room. It was clearly an endearment exclusive to Rogue. She was surprised at the hurt she felt. A sharp stab to her stomach. A sign that he couldn't let go of the past.

Sometimes he watched her with confusion and she realized that he was wondering why she was still there. Why she was still making the effort when he clearly looked right through her most of the time. And she began to wonder why herself. Clearly this was a mistake. The feeling of warmth she had felt for him was beginning to fade when faced with his indifference. And as the certainty that she could love him faded, he grew more distant each day, her projected feelings no longer influencing him. He didn't hate her or love her. He stayed with her because he felt he had to, because he had made her a promise to take care of her. He just hadn't promised to love her. The affection he felt for her was for a friend and she'd taken advantage of that. She was beginning to regret her resolve to help him heal. She was beginning to feel that the strain of trying to make this relationship work would leave her resenting him and kill any chance of friendship they had.

_Your grace me with your cold shoulder_  
_Whenever you look at me I wish I was her_  
_You shower me with words made of knives_  
_Whenever you look at me I wish I was her_

_Time and time again, I play the role of fool_  
_(Just for you)_  
_Even in the daylight when you think that_  
_(I don't see you)_  
_Try to look for things I hear but your eyes never find_  
_Though I do know how you play_

But Jean wasn't a quitter. And the thought of another failed marriage made her sick. Maybe she was a fool but she was a persistent one. She tried to convince herself that if she just tried harder, if she just forced Logan to be here with her, both mentally and physically that he would move past it. She kept in contact with the mansion through Storm and the Professor. Thankfully he had forgiven her. She wasn't sure if he knew the full extent of her manipulation but she figured he'd guessed. He made a habit of mentioning that her abilities seemed to be stronger than ever. He was sure that she was a Class Four mutant at the very least. The thought scared her when she thought back to the last weeks in the mansion. When she'd been using her telepathy without reserve, burrowing into people's minds without remorse. How one extra push against a resistant mind could have driven them insane. She hardened her resolve to live a peaceful life with Logan. And she rejected the Professor's offers to come to the mansion for an re-evaluation of her powers.

Sometimes she caught Logan watching her intently when she was in the middle of a mental conversation with either Storm or the Xavier. He knew who she was talking to because she had told him she was in contact with them. She wasn't really sure how he knew exactly when a conversation started up but he did. Anywhere in the house that he was he would leave and come and find her. She eventually made it easier for him and sat on the back porch. He spent the entire time prowling the back yard and trying to look busy. His head would always be cocked, almost as if he was listening for their voices. He might miss the easy friendship he had started to develop with Storm and even the conversations he had with Xavier, even as uncomfortable as talking about his lost past was, but he cared about her conversations for one reason. They were his only connection to Rogue. He moved restlessly around the yard and looked everywhere as if expecting her to pop out any second. It was always a little heart wrenching when the conversation ended and he sighed, defeat clear in his voice. And he would act as if it was a failure on his part, always as attentive as he could be. It was a game they played. Back and forth went the guilt and hurt. She wondered when they would finally get too tired to pretend. They still slept miles apart in their bed, actually buying the biggest one on the market so they wouldn't have to touch. She pretended that he didn't murmur Rogue's name in his sleep and he pretended he didn't see the tears she did her best to hide every morning when she got out of bed. This marriage was becoming less about redemption, and more about punishment than either one of them anticipated. And it was beginning to tire them both.

_You grace me with your cold shoulder_  
_Whenever you look at me I wish I was her_  
_You shower me with your words made of knives_  
_Whenever you look at me I wish I was her_

_You grace me with your cold shoulder_  
_Whenever you look at me I wish I was her_  
_You shower me with your words made of knives_  
_Whenever you look at me I wish I was her_

**So what did you think? Once again, an apology for any time I seemed to ramble on. Still looking for a beta who would hopefully help me with that. I hope I provided a viable reason for my readers to forgive Logan. Please forgive any plot holes. Thanks again for reading! Constructive criticism and/or praise is appreciated! ;)**


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